Any Silicon Valley mid-level employee can tell you that in today's fast-paced world, having at least 8 entertainment devices is absolutely essential. But let's face it, having more than one remote control for these devices is not only annoying, it's a waste of plastic, and of course, your precious time and human energy reserves.
That's why it is a basic human right that we are able to purchase entertainment devices like televisions, DVD players, gaming consoles, amplifiers, CD players, ipod docking stations, stereos, model cars, and suspiciously small personal massagers which all have built in IR ports, so that their functions can be programmed into a single, universal remote.
Ah the universal remote. Its name conveys the totalizing consistency and adherence to one easy-to-learn pattern of behavior that is the hallmark of all well-organized entertainment systems and National Socialist parties.
Thus, it is with dismay and disapproval that elitegripes notes that we have heard from one purchaser of a particular gaming console who discovered his new machine LACKED an IR port. Instead of infra-red, our dear friend was left ultra-blue (Geddit? Geddit? Oh, I've still got the magic touch)
Elitegripes calls for the U.S. to draft and encourage all nations to sign and ratify an International Covenant On the Provision of IR Ports On Electronic Devices. There may be holdouts from visible spectrum extremists and even fringe anti-remote-control elements (REALITY CHECK FOR THESE WINGNUTS: if man were meant to get up from the couch, God would have given us pneumatic butts!), but we must not falter. Such international measures are the only way to prevent another young man, like our friend, from having to store and remember how to use multiple remote controls or, worse, to avoid purchasing this electronic device altogether (causing a ripple effect through the economy which will hyperinflate and the demand curve, consumer confidence, job creation, the bear of the markets and such as).
photo credit: remotly controlled by Elsie esq.